VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:
Ben Kreps:
Welcome to the Mark Prater Podcast, where our aim is to connect our global family of Sovereign Grace churches with our Executive Director. Mark, it is May 11th, Thursday. You are clearly not at home because you are away celebrating your 44th anniversary with your wonderful wife. And as we were talking about before we started recording here, just on your heart, you've been thinking in light of your own anniversary about the importance of a pastor's marriage. Talk to us about that.
Mark Prater:
I have been. It's a joyful day for Jill and I. I honestly can't believe she still said yes 44 years ago. We are rejoicing in the grace of God, which I'll mention near the end of this podcast. But to say upfront, we wouldn't be here at 44 years, were it not for the grace of God, which we're so grateful for. And, I'm sure everyone, every believer, feels that way when they reach a wedding anniversary. But as you mentioned, it did get me thinking down the road about the importance of a pastor's marriage. And there are several reasons why a pastor's marriage is important. I'm only going to mention a few. The first one is that of faithfulness for the pastor in 1 Timothy 3:2. It's actually the second qualification that's mentioned that he should be the husband of one wife for life, unless obviously your wife were to pass.
But, that captures the one wife, husband of one wife. It captures faithfulness over time. And that's so important in our day and time that faithfulness continues to be modeled through pastors' marriages. It's so important. We're older, Jill and I, and I get thinking about Titus chapter 2, the exhortation to older men and to older women. He writes in Titus 2 that older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled; sound in faith, in love. And steadfastness is a similar word to faithfulness. And so, as an older man, I and other older men, we want to be faithful. We want to be steadfast in our marriages because it reveals the faithfulness of God.
And then for older women, verse 3, older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to too much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train younger women. And so there's this dignity that you see in the text. There's this reverence that's there that hopefully is a reflection of the grace of God as we grow older, a husband and wife remaining faithful for their entire marriage, their entire lives together. And, it reveals the grace of God. So that's just one reason.
A second reason I think a pastor's marriage is important, is that it does reveal the truth of our complimentarian values which is very, very important in our day for a number of different reasons. But how a husband loves his wife, which is a sacrificial love, and how a wife loves her husband, which is a sacrificial love, is so important. So a husband is to love his wife in the way Christ did by laying down his life as Ephesians 5 talks about.
And it's clear in the text that he has authority to lead, but he's not authoritarian at all. He is a man who leads with love, and he leads with gentleness, and he leads with strength, and he leads with wisdom. And it's that kind of leadership that makes it much easier for a wife to follow. There's this laying down of her life, loving her husband, supporting his leadership. And people can critique our complementarian values because of marriage. And, I just think that marriage is actually there to strengthen and reveal the complementary way that God has made us as men and women as seen in the way husbands and wives relate together. And we all run into conflict. I'll talk about this. So, the issue when we run into trouble is not our complementarian values. The issue is the sin in our hearts, obviously. And, another reason why we need the grace of God. And one other one, I think it reveals the importance of our ecclesiology, because Christ loves his church. That's the mystery that's being revealed there in Ephesians 5; how a husband loves his wife and how a wife respects her husband reveals this relationship between Christ and his church.
And as I travel through Sovereign Grace churches, I hear a lot of people say, I love my church. And there are Christians in other denominations and church organizations who say the same thing so it's not unique to Sovereign Grace. We Christians love the church, they love the people of God. They love the saints. And that's a reflection of Christ in them through the work of the Spirit when they say, I love my church. And that's what marriage is to reveal, partly, just how much we love the Church of God and how we relate to one another. So those are just some of the things I've been thinking about. Those are just a few of the reasons, and many more reasons, a pastor's marriage is important. But I wanted to mention them because I'm thinking about that today as a husband, obviously, and to encourage our pastors and wives to just make sure you're taking time to invest into your marriage.
Ben Kreps:
That's excellent encouragement and much needed. 1 Corinthians 10:12 says that if we think we're standing, take heed lest we fall. So we need regular reminders, like the ones that you're giving us. I think about our shaping virtues and the gospel centeredness that we rally around in Sovereign Grace, that is intended to work itself out in the way that we live with one another in marriage. And so those shaping virtues, just thinking about those and how they function within our complementarianism, with humility and joy and love and generosity and all of those things that make up what it means to have a gospel centered marriage. You have some thoughts for us, practically, before you go. Why don't you share those with us?
Mark Prater:
Yeah. Practically, first of all, I just want to say that all pastors' marriages are going to look different. Different couples are put together for specific reasons in the wisdom of the sovereignty of God. So practices should never become principles, obviously. Just a few things I'm going to mention are going to look different for different couples, but just one is to continue to cultivate memories together as you walk through life together as husband and wife, faithfully, by the grace of God, for years. And that includes obviously romancing one another, but finding ways to surprise one another and to delight one another. There should be an evident delight and joy in marriage that emerges from a pastor's marriage, by the grace of God.
Another practice is to be purposeful in working out conflict. All pastors' marriages, all marriages, have conflict because we remain fallen people. And, we have to be committed not to let conflict linger, but to really work at it. And when we can't work it out ourselves, enjoy the fellowship of the church and those that know us well, whether that's a fellow pastor and wife or a member of your church that can help you walk through conflict. One quick resource is Rob Flood's book on marriage and communication, it is really helpful in that regard, if you haven't read that.
And then a third one that just came to mind is the practical aspect of God’s wisdom in putting a husband a wife together, sovereignly, and we can benefit from one another, the wisdom God has given our spouses, making sure that we're drawing each other out asking; hey, what do you think about this? And, that looks different for different marriages, depending on the relationship and gift mix, et cetera. But I often ask Jill her perspective, or I'm thinking about a decision that needs to be made, and I'm just, hey, can you give me your perspective? And she knows when I'm asking that I don't have to do what she says; and sometimes I don't. But I find her to be a real gift to me that way. As I look back on 44 years and think ahead, I'm grateful for the wisdom that God has given her that I've benefited from as I think ahead however many more years we have together. I remain dependent upon that wisdom. So just another way to think, when you have conversations, it benefits, it deepens your relationship with one another.
Let me just close by saying this. I wrote in my journal this morning, and was just thanking God for the grace that he has given Jill and me for 44 years and feeling the dependence upon that grace for whatever years we have remaining together. And just want to commend and give God all the glory and all the credit for anything that we've enjoyed in our marriage because we wouldn't have it apart from his grace, and we wouldn't have that grace, as you mentioned, Ben, apart from Christ and his finished work in the gospel. So it is a day not just to rejoice, but to give Christ glory.
Ben Kreps:
Wonderful counsel and wise suggestions for us in our marriages as pastors. Want to also encourage any guy who might be reading this or watching this: if you're struggling in an area like communication, come into the light. Find a trusted fellow pastor and his wife and sit down, talk about that. Receive counsel. My wife and I have done that a number of times and have been deeply helped by that. So you're not stuck, is what I would say. We have brothers and sisters, trusted brothers, that can help us do all of these things that you're describing. So thank you, Mark. Congratulations to you and Jill on 44 years of marriage, by God's grace. Thank you all for watching or reading. We'll see you here next week, Lord willing. Bye for now.